We're All Mad Here
by ruflylover
Summary: Missing Mellie scene inspired by 601 and what comes after. All characters belong to the brilliant Shonda Rhimes
1. Chapter 1

We're All Mad Here

A/N: This one-shot takes place in 601; a scene was definitely missing between the one with Teddy, Mellie, and Olivia and the one with Mellie and Fitz on the balcony. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

xx Kate

" _Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"_

" _That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat._

" _I don't much care where…" said Alice._

" _Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat._

"… _So long as I get somewhere," Alive added as an explanation._

" _Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."_

Mellie paused from reading and peered over at Teddy, whom she confirmed was fast asleep. Setting _Alice in Wonderland_ down, she allowed her eyes to flutter shut momentarily.

There's something about having a small child that multiplies your worries infinitely and simultaneously erases them all in the same moment. At least, for Mellie, that seemed to be the case. Seeing Frankie Vargas step into the spotlight that had been meant for her and subsequently get shot made her feel very unhinged, uneasy, extremely rattled, if she was being honest. The Presidency was something she'd wanted for a long time, but staring now at the little twinkling stars projected onto the ceiling from Teddy's nightlight, her hand resting on her sleeping little boy, she felt at peace for the first time all day. If she got the Oval now, she knew she wouldn't feel this way for at least four more years. Her baby would be seven years old by then. She'd have missed his innocence.

After Olivia had stormed from the room earlier, claiming she was not ready to give up the fight, Mellie had started to panic. The White House made her feel like she was suffocating. Everything that had happened in the last eight years began to swirl around her like an eerie trance. Teddy had called to her and she had padded her way towards him like a zombie. He had pulled her down to his level with a gentle tug to her skirt, "mommy," he whispered, "you're magic, right?"

His inquisitive little voice had snapped her right back into the moment, his question referred to an earlier day in the week when he had tripped on the stairs, cutting his knee. Mellie had wet a cloth and wiped away the small amount of blood, placing a Spiderman Band-Aid over the injury when she was done. Teddy had been perplexed, "Whoa, that's magic," he had said. She had kissed the top of his knee and chuckled, "Yes, that's right Teddy bear, mommys _are_ magic!"

She said the same thing then, again, when he asked after Olivia had left. "Yes, of course, mommys are magic, remember?"

He had grinned wide, "Can you take us to Wonderland, then? Like Alice?"

"Oh Teddy, I wish," she had answered woefully. The truth was, in that moment she very much wished she could wrap Teddy up and leap down a rabbit hole. Anything, _anywhere_ had to be less chaotic, contain less madness than what was actually happening in the world, in _her_ present day life.

Putting Teddy to bed tonight had made her feel normal again, kind of like pushing the reset button. That little boy, _America's Baby_ , had a way of calming her inner turmoil like nothing else. Leaving him for a title seemed like an impossible cruelty. She needed time to think about her decision, but there was no time.

She pulled herself out of Teddy's bed with slow and calculated movements, trying her best not to stir the little angel. She had let him stay up quite late, mostly because she had needed just a few extra moments with him after the mayhem of the day.

She tiptoed across the dark room, using the light seeping through the cracks of the door as a guide. She felt for the doorknob and twisted it as slowly as she could as to not make a sound. Opening the door only enough for her body to fit through, she paused briefly smiling to herself and realizing that she was quite lucky to have as much as she did, and then she backed out…right into a solid mass. She twisted around in shock and covered with her hands the yelp that threatened to escape her mouth.

"Sorry!" the figure jarred, grabbing Mellie's shoulders to steady her.

Mellie's eyes quickly adjusted to the lit hallway, "Fitz! What are you doing lurking outside the door like that?"

Fitz scoffed, "I didn't even know you were in the house, Mellie. I was coming to check on Teddy," he clarified, referencing the door with a flippant hand gesture.

Mellie huffed and grasped at the collar of her shirt uncomfortably, "Yes, okay," she gathered herself, "I'm sorry, you just startled me."

The couple drew deep breaths simultaneously and let them out with palpable tension. Words weren't really needed; they could both read the stress written across each other's faces.

Mellie allowed her body to slouch against the closed door, she felt utterly exhausted.

"It's awful, Fitz…" she started to say.

"I'm thankful it wasn't you up there, Mellie," Fitz said finally. He reached out, bridging the small gap between them and squeezed her hand gently.

Mellie smiled sadly, "It almost was…"

"But it wasn't," Fitz said quickly.

"No, it wasn't…" Mellie whispered, looking down at her feet. She felt suddenly ashamed, the reality that she had lost washing over her like a cold shower. But had she really lost? She was alive and Vargas was…

"Hey," Fitz laid a gentle hand on Mellie's shoulder, "I have a couple more things I need to finish up in the office, but why don't you just grab something to eat and then stay in one of the extra rooms tonight? It's late," he added.

Mellie nodded numbly, "okay."

"I'll come find you after I'm done…I have a feeling you won't be asleep," Fitz grinned knowingly.

Mellie smiled lightly and looked up at her ex-husband with recognizable appreciation, "Thanks Fitz," she said genuinely. Fitz nodded and the couple headed different directions down the hallway, Fitz back to the west wing and Mellie towards the stairs. She climbed them slowly, her weak legs barely able to handle the incline and instead of making her way to one of the open suites, she found herself in her old room, in her old closet, rummaging through Fitz old sweatshirts. They were all heartbreakingly familiar, most of them she'd worn hundreds of times. Her hands stalled when they recognized the soft fabric of the grey 'U.S. Navy' one she was extremely acquainted with. She quickly slid it on over her t-shirt and padded out to the Truman balcony, a place that held many memories for her in a sweatshirt that held even more.

A/N: See, it just makes more sense now why Mellie would have been wearing that sweatshirt and why she was even on the balcony in the first place, right? ;)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So I guess it's actually not a one-shot…please review and tell me what you think and if you want more!

Xx Kate

The choice between Mellie and Cyrus was possibly one of the hardest decisions Fitz had ever truly had to make in his life and the discussion with his ex-wife on the balcony hadn't made it any easier. On one hand, he had no doubt in Mellie's ability to run the country effectively – she was smart as a whip, confident under pressure, and was so diligent and detail-oriented that there was no way her agenda would fall to the wayside during her term. And then there was Cyrus – equally as intelligent, strong-willed, and persistent. Both Mellie and Cyrus were hungry for this position, but who deserved it more? Probably Mellie, she had been through so much…. But who was the best for the job – the best for the country? It seemed like an impossible choice and Fitz was running out of time. The time he had most certainly couldn't be spent sleeping. So he wasn't and he hadn't since…well, now he couldn't remember the last time he had gotten a full night's rest.

He was into writing lists now. Lists at the kitchen table. Just scribbling down words, crossing them off, tapping his slipper against the base of the marble island to the beat of whatever music he had playing on the sound system – tonight (this morning?) it was Michael Bublé – the guy could seriously sing.

He glanced down at the paper in front of him. It was split down the middle with a hard drawn line – one side had "Mel" and the other "Cy." Each with an equal number of attributes listed underneath that made them absolutely perfect for the job. Or not perfect in some cases…he underlined a specific word in each of their categories – in Mellie's, "Teddy" and in Cyrus', "Ella." It made it hard to run a country while raising small children. He knew from experience – he had practically missed the first four years of Teddy's life and he knew that's what was truthfully at the base of Mellie's hesitance. Part of him wanted to choose Cyrus just so that he and Mellie could finally truly raise a child together without any distractions. Teddy deserved that – two loving parents' undivided attention. Something Jerry and Karen certainly never got.

Fitz leaned forward and let his forehead rest against the cold marble of the table. "Just a moment of rest," he mumbled to himself.

Two minutes, two hours, he wasn't sure, but the next thing he knew he waking up to a gentle tug on his bathrobe lapel. "Daddy," came a small voice.

He jerked up suddenly and met eyes with his ex-wife, who was smirking and holding a grinning, sleepy looking boy on her hip. "Good morning," she said brightly. Fitz took a moment to realize Mellie was now also in his sweatpants as well as his sweatshirt that she had been wearing last night. Her dark hair was pulled into a messy bun and she had no make-up on but was somehow glowing.

"What are you doing sleeping down here in the kitchen? I hope it wasn't because I was sleeping in the bed, because that was just out of habit I swear…" Mellie blushed.

Fitz tried to hide his shock, "No, that's not why…I just fell asleep while thinking about things…" He said, casually folding the note sheet he had made in half so that Mellie couldn't see it.

Mellie chuckled and continued as if he hadn't responded, "It would have been the same thing as when we were married anyhow, wouldn't it have?"

"Well – "  
"We didn't do anything then and we wouldn't have done anything now," she continued to giggle. Fitz failed to see what was so funny; Mellie was way too chipper for so early in the morning.

"I wouldn't say we never _did_ anything," he deadpanned, gesturing with his eyes towards the small boy who was still clinging to Mellie's hip, his face nudged in the crook her neck. Teddy was living proof the couple had done _something_.

Mellie smoothed down Teddy's rumpled hair and kissed his pudgy cheek, "I don't really count that, do you?" Mellie gave him a knowing glance, but still had that impenetrable smile lurking at the corner of her lips.

Fitz cleared his throat uncomfortably, his eyebrows knit together in confusion, "Well, there were _other_ times, Mellie…"

Mellie clucked, "Hmm… I guess I don't really count those either," she shrugged.

Fitz crossed his arms in frustration and grinned awkwardly, "Oh you don't, do you? Well then, Mellie what do you count? I didn't realize you had such specific parameters for S-E-X," he whisper-spelled.

Mellie rolled her eyes, still smiling. It was playful banter but as was always the case with the couple, there was so much under the surface of their conversation. They just had too much tumultuous history to say what they actually meant.

"I didn't used to, I suppose. But things are different now, I am different now," she clarified, distracting herself with the hem of Teddy's pajama top while her face flushed furiously.

Fitz scoffed lightly, "What's so different, Mel?" He was genuinely curious because something was definitely different.

Mellie looked up hesitantly, her face still beet red, "You probably don't remember, but years ago, you asked me if I was tired of all the pretending…"  
"Yes, I remember," Fitz recalled, sadly.

"Recently, I finally realized what you meant by that," she paused and made direct eye contact with him. Fitz noticed her demeanor change; he had never seen his ex-wife so wary to say something. She continued after a moment and smiled shyly, "This is going to sound silly… but I finally realized that… love does exist…or maybe I knew it existed but I finally realized that it was possible for _me_ ; that it's possible and that I deserve it, you know…?"

Fitz nodded but honestly had no idea what to say; luckily, Teddy filled the silence. He reached up to his mother's face and flattened his little palm against her red cheek and then turned to his father, "Did you know that mama is magic?" he asked innocently, his eyes widening and his mouth breaking out into a toothy grin. Fitz and Mellie looked at each other and just couldn't contain their laughter.

Fitz held out his arms and Teddy slid from one parent's hip to the other, "I did know that, actually," he told his son and winked at Mellie, "Way before you were born, or before even Karen and Jerry were born, your mama used to perform her magic on me all the time!" He laughed.

Fitz didn't think it was possible for Mellie to be redder than she had been, but when he glanced over at her, her cheeks were the color of a cherry tomato.

" _Fitzgerald!_ " Mellie huffed.

Fitz' laughed warmly and pulled Mellie into his side. He kissed the top of her head and whispered into her ear, "You do deserve it and I'm glad you're happy, Mel."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry for the delay, here's the next chapter. Please let me know what you think and if I should continue. Can't wait for the "What If" episode this week!

Xx Kate

"Mr. President," a voice emerged from the doorway, ripping Fitz from his feverish list writing. He had yet to decide between Mellie and Cyrus and it was coming down to the wire.

"What!" he snapped in reply. He couldn't afford a wasted minute from his thoughts.

Abby Whelan was quite used to the President's occasional mood swings, and didn't bat an eyelash, "You have a visitor."

Fitz deadpanned the red head, "Abby," he said coolly, "I clearly don't have time for a visitor," he gestured roughly down to his list.

"Well, I think you'll make time for this one, sir," she said, just as evenly.

"Abby –

"Hi dad," came a sweet voice, causing Fitz to rise from his chair. A petite brunette entered the Oval, bringing with her a presence of relief and happiness Fitz hadn't even been aware he'd desperately needed. She was grinning ear to ear; it had been several months since they had seen each other.

"Karen," Fitz beamed, embracing his only daughter. She squeezed him tightly in return, reminding Fitz of a time when she was younger, a time when Jerry was alive, a time when things were far simpler.

"What are you doing here, honey?" Fitz asked, refusing to let go of her slender frame.

Karen chuckled into her father's chest, "Well I'll explain if you let go, dad. I can't breathe," she said.

Fitz chuckled and loosened his embrace, "Okay, there. Now spill," he said.

"Mom called yesterday…after what happened with Frankie Vargas. I had to come," Karen explained, her face suddenly contorting with concern.

"What about school?" Fitz asked.

"I think this is more important right now, don't you?" Karen chided, giving Fitz a stern glare that reminded him so much of her mother.

Fitz smiled softly and reached out to stroke his daughter's cheek, "You get more beautiful every day, Karen," he said.

Karen blushed and rolled her eyes, "Dad, don't change the subject. Rumor has it that you have a very serious decision to make…"

"That I do, Kar," he confirmed, taking a solemn seat behind his desk. Karen took a stance in front, leaning forward, her presence just as commanding as a full-grown, powerful woman. He still wanted her to be his little girl, but he could see that she had grown far beyond that.

"Well, who are you going to pick? Cyrus or mom?" She asked, matter-of-factly.

Fitz let his seat fall back and crossed his arms thoughtfully over his chest, "To be honest with you, I don't have the slightest idea."

Karen raised her eyebrows in disgust and scoffed, "You don't know? Dad, seriously? I know you and mom don't get along but I didn't think you _hated_ her?"

Fitz' furrowed his eyebrows, "I do not _hate_ your mother," he clarified.

"Then isn't it an obvious choice? You know how badly she wants this, dad," Karen spoke slowly and with great intent.

"It's not that simple, Karen," Fitz tried.

"Explain it to me then, I'm not a ten-year-old any more," she folded her arms over her chest to match her father's.

"Your mother has been through so much, more than you know…" Fitz began.

"We _all_ lost Jerry, dad. That made us stronger," Karen interrupted, "so don't try to tell me mom can't handle it, because we all know she can."

"Let me finish," Fitz said sternly. Karen visibly stirred, shuffling her gait; Fitz could tell she was on the brink of being physically upset.

He treaded lightly, "Do you believe that your mother and I were good parents to you and your brother?"

Karen hesitated and bit her lip, "Well…"

"Do you think that we were happy together as a couple?"

Karen visibly tensed, "Dad," she said uncomfortably, "Respectfully, what does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with _everything_ , honey," he said gently, "I have absolutely no doubts in my mind that your mother could handle it. She is the strongest woman… the strongest _person_ that I have ever known, that's not where my concern stems. Despite what you may think, I don't hate your mother. In all reality, I _love_ her. I want her to be happy. I worry that missing Teddy's childhood like we both did for you and Jerry will kill her, I worry for Teddy, I worry for you, I worry that having one parent as president has already screwed this family up enough…" Fitz stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose, tears threatening to spill.

"I don't buy any of that dad," Karen spoke suddenly. Fitz looked up at his daughter, slightly shocked. "I think that what you just said is complete bullshit. A complete double standard. If you love her like you say you do, if you believe in her like you say you do, you know that she can do _both_ – be a mother _and_ the President of the United States. She can do it better than you, even. I don't know if you've seen it, although you'd have to be blind not to have considering I could tell a thousand miles away, that she's _changed_ in the last few years. She calls me every night, she asks me how I'm doing, and she gives me advice. She spends time with Teddy and visits Jerry's grave; she absolutely killed it on the campaign trail…she's a complete and total _badass_ , dad, don't you see it!?" Karen's smile was stretched wide across her face and it was contagious. Fitz couldn't help but return his daughter's enthusiasm with a smile of his own.

He shook his head and signed, "Of course I see that," he said finally.

"Then you must know you're decision, right?"


End file.
